Robert Madden Abstract Expressionism: TRUTH IS TRUE, EVEN WHEN I DON'T LIKE IT.

A principle is a principle, truth is true, even when I don't like it. There are times when I feel like I am living something, but I'm not getting the result and I want to rail against it, saying it doesn't work or it isn't true. However, when I am nakedly honest with myself, I have to look within myself to find where I am not true, because as much as I want it to be something or somebody else's fault, I am the common denominator of my life. I hold the answer, I make the choices, I have the key to this locked box in which I find myself. I can produce a litany of actions I am taking, things I am doing, all of them correct and justifiable, but still, there is this result in front of me, I do not want. I can even convince others, get them to agree with me and offer solutions, which I will silently dismiss, knowing I've tried them all.

The question ringing in my head, "What am I doing wrong?" and with it a sadness creeping over my frustration. Then I stop. What am I doing wrong? That! That's what I'm doing wrong! I keep repeating that question beneath every thought in my head. It has created a negative expectation, an expectation of disappointment, I realize I am feeling disappointed without anything really happening, except I am identifying with every piece of evidence around me pointing to disappointment.

My imagination, my greatest strength and the cornerstone of my work, is turned against myself. I am imagining my life in the negative.
A smile spreads across my face as tears well up in my eyes. I understand I have to turn this around, so I begin the process of identifying with my happiness. I choose again, starting with something small very near me, so in my being, it has the feeling of truth to it. Once I can feel the gratitude for that, then I go a little further, then embrace a little more of what makes my life so uniquely beautiful to me, and now I am on my way. I remind myself to look for reasons to be happy along the way and I quietly thank myself for being willing to honestly see what I do, not only when I do it right, but when I'm getting it wrong. The quality of my life is ultimately my responsibility, for better or for worse, it's all on me.