THE QUALITY OF MY LIFE IS ON ME

So much of our experience truly is created by the stories we tell. We keep our painful experiences on a loop by telling them and re-telling them to our friends. We strive to give the greatest detail of our mistreatment so our audience will know how much we were wronged and how justified is our anger, our sorrow, our indignation....OR, we could just call it what it is, self-pity. At this point, we have arrived at the lowest point on the scale of Self Esteem.  Self-Pity is the expression of the lowest opinion one can have of himself.

The next time you want to tell a story, remember, in the telling of it, you are activating a vibration which assures that either you will anchor those emotions in your present experience, or you will draw a similar experience right to you, again. 

I had a dark cloud stop and sit on my head today. I've had this feeling before and in the past, not knowing better, I would totally indulge that deliciously melancholic mental state, while deriding myself for the situation. I usually convey a miserable, self-perpetuating story of what "happened" to me, why I was devastated by it and how unjust it was, to have been in my experience, in a humorous or sad manner.

This time, however, it was very clearly a choice I was making, which caught my attention. I realized I was letting my old emotional pattern choose for me and telling myself I was honoring the "truth" of how I was feeling (which I had nothing to do with and didn't control)....nice try!  

I witnessed my mind, out of laziness and familiarity, lead me to choices, which would have kept the story going in my head for days, solidifying the idea of being unsupported in life, which I couldn't even say silently in my mind, without it sounding flat and untrue. 

I understand, how I feel is my responsibility and it's a choice I make, and now I know what that feels like when it's occurring.  Whatever it is, I choose to go thru it, feeling the   way I feel about it.  In allowing my reckless, embarrassed, irrational emotional state to create reality, it seems as though my life experiences are random events happening to me which are out of my control, making my life seem like a series of blows I must absorb. To wallow in trivial, self-indulgent misery is a complete waste of time and an active choice we make. 

Additionally, I found if I leave off that last thing I was going to say, whether it's meant to make people laugh or solicit sympathy for my situation, I just don't say it. Leaving it unsaid, allows the energy to shift around the dynamic and I get to be happy. I may not get the temporary satisfaction of having someone agree with me, or see "justice" as I thought I wanted to see it, but that has never brought real satisfaction anyway, as it is so short-lived. It's well worth the trade-off of getting to live in joy!  



Ultimately, it doesn't matter how long I choose to indulge this emotionally charged mental state. When it's over, I'm still the one who has to clean up the wreckage I've caused by my response to whatever has occurred. I have to pick myself up, clean up and repair what I haven't damaged permanently, getting myself back on a positive, productive mental approach to my life. 
Now, in computers, a kernel is the essential center of an operating system's core, providing basic services for all other parts of the operating system, if there is a corrupted kernel , it throws the entire thing off, causing it not to perform as it was designed. The kernels must be repaired or the operating system re-installed before it can resume it's functionality. 

 I find the same is true for us. Somewhere along the journey of life, kernels in our consciousness (operating system) become corrupted and must be repaired or a new operating system (new beliefs) installed for us to get beyond the cycles of destruction or complacency caused by the corrupted ones. 
 

The quality of my life is all on me, so I may as well bypass all of that, creating deliberately instead, a life of ease, peace and simplicity, by doing my best to get my mind right by addressing the corrupted kernels in my consciousness.

 

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