When I was a kid, Christmas was one of my favorite times of the year. All of my immediate family was in one place, eating, cooking, baking, laughing, playing cards, playing dominos and board games. It was a truly joyous time.
Usually, we would go get my grandmothers about three weeks out. Once we had everyone at home, we would decorate the house, put up our tree and start putting gifts out. Beneath the tree was so full of gifts, it often came way out into the room. I loved wrapping gifts, so I would wrap for my grandmothers and help my mom.
Mother was busy baking, filling tins and shipping them to friends and family, dropping them off around town to various people we did business with over the year. It was fun having a mom and dad who were appreciated, cherished, loved by so many people. It seemed they made friends with everyone they met and never forgot anyone. The gifts of baked goods Mother would mail out filled the trunk, backseat and took several trips to the post office. Of course, each time we would go to the Post Office, she would bring tins for the postal workers, so they loved to see her coming.
I miss those days when I stop to think about it. Since their deaths, I have ceased the traditions we once embraced. I just couldn't do it anymore, as it left me too broken emotionally. It's been eight years now. I still haven't made any new ones. I guess something that was so full of love, light, joy and generosity, needs appropriate time to empty out. For the last few Christmas', I have spent the day with my camera, alone.
It appears to be the same this Christmas. I am alone and it's okay, but I can help tearing up when I think of what I once had. Then, I smile, comforting myself with the gratitude of ever having had it at all.
To all of my friends,
I love you and
I wish you the
Merriest of Christmas'!
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